I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing rebels. I have been known to remodel space stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Old Republic refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo Twi'lek women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot Tie Fighters through severe asteroid belts with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Parsec Brownies in twenty Parsecs. I am an expert in Dewbacks, a veteran in love, and an outlaw on Vulcan.
Using only an E-11 and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Jundland Wastes from a horde of ferocious Tuskens. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Imperials, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard.
I enjoy urban Bantha surfing. On Wednesdays, after work, I repair moisture vaporators free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a comet analyst, and ruthless toward Wookies. Critics all over the galaxy swoon over my original line of Imperial evening wear. I don't perspire. I am an enlisted trooper, yet I receive fan mail. Last summer I toured Alderaan with a travelling centrifugal-force demonstration. Then I blew it up. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in galactiv botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl thermal detonators at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire ISD Bridge that evening. I know the exact location of every rebel base in this system. I have performed several covert operations for the Emperor. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in at attention. While on vacation in Coruscant, I successfully negotiated with a group of rebels who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a hyper drive. I breed prize winning Rancors. I have won gladiatorial games on Geonosis, cliff-diving competitions on Naboo, and spelling bees on the Deathstar. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Moff.