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TK9415

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December 28, 2011
314 notes

Tags: star wars stormtroopers starwars stormtrooper clone wars the clone wars clone trooper clonetroopers darth vader vader yoda jedi lightsaber leia skywalker hasbro 501st comic con emperor porkins captain rex commander cody

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About

portrait

can't just be a TK..

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing rebels. I have been known to remodel space stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Old Republic refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo Twi'lek women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot Tie Fighters through severe asteroid belts with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Parsec Brownies in twenty Parsecs. I am an expert in Dewbacks, a veteran in love, and an outlaw on Vulcan.

Using only an E-11 and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Jundland Wastes from a horde of ferocious Tuskens. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Imperials, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard.

I enjoy urban Bantha surfing. On Wednesdays, after work, I repair moisture vaporators free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a comet analyst, and ruthless toward Wookies. Critics all over the galaxy swoon over my original line of Imperial evening wear. I don't perspire. I am an enlisted trooper, yet I receive fan mail. Last summer I toured Alderaan with a travelling centrifugal-force demonstration. Then I blew it up. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in galactiv botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl thermal detonators at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire ISD Bridge that evening. I know the exact location of every rebel base in this system. I have performed several covert operations for the Emperor. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in at attention. While on vacation in Coruscant, I successfully negotiated with a group of rebels who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a hyper drive. I breed prize winning Rancors. I have won gladiatorial games on Geonosis, cliff-diving competitions on Naboo, and spelling bees on the Deathstar. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Moff.

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